New England’s Good, Bad and Ugly

Walden Pond on a summer day. H.D. Thoreau’s worst nightmare.

(Photo by Stan Wawer. Photo of the Mountain Room below courtesy of the Pitcher Inn)

Story By Stan Wawer

I grew up in New England and from time to time, I find myself going back to visit family, old friends and old haunts while immersing myself in the history of this area of America. Along the way, I have come up with New England’s good, bad and ugly.

The town that most resembles a Currier & Ives painting: Washington, Connecticut, nestled in the northwest corner of the state.

Best sign: “Brake for moose, the life you save, may be your own. 211 collisions so far.” (White Mountains, New Hampshire)

Best line: A customs officer at the Canadian border. “Where are you from?”

“California,” I answered.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he said.

“Smuggling illegal hockey sticks into the country,” I responded.

Good advice: New Englanders love to drive the yellow line, stay as far right as you can.

Worst city in America to drive in: Boston, hands down. If you are going to drive in Boston, do not be timid. Be aggressive, very aggressive. Providence, with its giant loop, is a distant second.

Best hot fudge sundae: Friendly’s restaurant chain. Take this from someone who spent all of his newspaper route money Saturdays eating hot fudge sundaes at a place called the College Shop.

Antique capital of the world: Great Barrington, Mass. No less than 17 antique shops in a town of 7,104, not including Great Barrington Antiques Center with more than 50 dealers situated in 5,000 square feet.

Believe it or not!: A McLobster sandwich for $3.99 at McDonald’s.

Most attractive college campus: Tie between Williams College (Williamstown, Mass.) and University of New Hampshire (Durham).

Best restaurant for lobster: Barnacle Billy’s, Perkins Cove, Ogunquit, Maine.

Worst lodging: Williams Inn, Williamstown, Mass.

Best lodging: Pitcher Inn in Warren, Vermont. Ask for the Mountain Room, albeit you can’t go wrong with any of its themed rooms (www.pitcherinn.com). This place will charm the heck out of you. There is an authentic general store across the street. Population is 1,731.

Must see: Norman Rockwell Museum and studio in Stockbridge, Mass.

It’s the law: You have to finish your alcoholic beverage in Vermont before you can order another. My wife and I went for pizza in Newport, Vermont. I finished my beer and my wife had about a quarter of a glass of wine left. I went to the counter and ordered another beer and a wine. The girl refused to pour the wine until my wife’s glass was empty. You don’t get a second glass until you make all gone. Obviously, Vermont lawmakers have never been to a California happy hour.

Fill ’er up please: Don’t expect a second cup of coffee or iced tea without asking for it or paying for it.

Matter of taste: I like New Hampshire’s covered bridges better than Vermont’s covered bridges. There are some 720 covered bridges left in this country, 54 are in New Hampshire.

Attack of the flying greeblings: A swarm of flying insects invaded Littleton, N.H., one afternoon during our stay at the historical Thayer Inn. They were everywhere. The next morning, the owner of the Pot House told me they were flying ants with a life expectancy of 24 hours. OK!

Little known fact: If a Maine lobster is fertile, it’s protected for life.

Early foliage: The trees you see in New England that are already turning red in August are the sugar maples. They are called Judas trees because they turn first.

Highway to heaven: Highway 169, which runs through Woodstock, Conn., is one of the most scenic highways in America.

Best chocolate: Munson’s in Bolton, Conn.

Best name for a cemetery: Sleepy Hollow Cemetery in Concord, Mass., where Louisa May Alcott, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson are buried.

Most disappointing tourist site: Walden Pond in Concord. If Thoreau could see it now, he would be angrier than he was in 1845.

Best maple syrup: Shelburne Farms in Shelburne, Vermont.

Before you die: Go back to New England for foliage season in October and in summer for a baseball game at Fenway Park in Boston. Fenway will celebrate its 100^th anniversary April 20 with a game against, of course, the New York Yankees.

All information is accurate at the time of publication but prices, dates and other details are all subject to change. Confirm all information before making any travel arrangements.